QUESTION:
My husband works out of town every other week. He is out of town for the Easter holiday. He does not have a relationship with my older son, who is living at home during this college semester. He has a strained relationship with my seventeen year old son. He has asked my youngest son and I to drive five hours and visit him for the weekend holiday. My son does not want to go. How do I parent this situation?
ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:
It looks like none of the parenting coaches picked up your question in time for the full holiday weekend. I'm sorry about that. Therefore, my response is coming too late. But for future use, and for others viewing this, here goes:
The adjective "youngEST" that you used indicates there is a third son. Is there a third son? "YoungER" would be the comparative, indictating that there are just two sons; Am I to infer that you have three or more sons-or only two sons--the 17-year old being the younger? I'm going to assume that the 17-year old is the son that "does not want to go"; and that you have the just the two boys. The age of the child can be a factor.
Receiving input from an older teen is wise--so feel free to truly hear him out; however, the final say is up to YOU. Your final decision should be based on what's best for the Family--any positive or negative emotional reactions on his part should have no bearing on your decision. Without knowing any of the details or the family dynamics, I would recommend that you and your son make the trip . Teaching that Family Obligations supercedes Personal Desires and Feelings is a lesson that needs to be taught our children. Sacrificing what one want's or doesn't want to do is essential obligation for a healthy Family. Concern and caring for other family members over one's own desires is a lesson that must be learned, but is rarely even taught nowadays. This is a great opportunity to teach your son this precept. Your husband reached out to you and your son. Regardless of the husband's motivation, my initial response is for you two to make the five-hour trip. Avoiding conflict by avoiding contact and communication leads to short-term comfort, but long-term pain. It is good for him to go see his dad. There really is no other option when it comes to the Family. Relay that to your son as you pack your car.
Mike Smart, CLPC
"Parenting OutSmarted"
smartmike59@gmail.com
