QUESTION:
My son is generally a good eater and has got out of bad behavior when it comes to the food he is given because he doesn’t have to eat if he doesn’t want to, but he is not allowed to give his opinion (if negative), but he knows he will not be allowed to eat anything else until he has eaten the prepared meal.
However, the manners are still lacking when it comes to thanking me for cooking and I have to remind him to thank me. We do not eat out regularly but I would like this habit instilled so that when we do, he can thank the person who cooked if we are at somebody’s home or waitress at the restaurant without being prompted.
I am a single parent so I don’t have another adult to role play with or set an example with as easily.
ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:
I LOVE the emphasis on manners that you are keen on establishing in your home. That's an emphasis that has gradually waned in most homes that last several decades. You also seem right on target as far as guidelines for your son eating the prepared meal.
You are right: at some point, your son should be able to learn to say " thank you" to you for cooking and preparing the food for his meals WITHOUT having to be prompted. My guess is that you have to remind him most every meal. There are several ways to tackle this--here's one: Have a few of his favorite desserts on hand and tell your son that you will have dessert after each evening meal this week--but towards the end of each meal, he must thank you for preparing and cooking the food that day. When dessert is served, serve yourself first, and if he hasn't thanked you yet, then sit down and eat. At that point it is too late for his thank you, even if he realizes his omission and chirps a quick "thank you." Just say to him with a relaxed smile, "Sorry, Son, too late--let's try again tomorrow. I'm sure you will remember to be thankful then. Boy, this Cookies N Cream ice cream is tasty! "
There are several other strategies that may be equally effective, but the point is this: Whatever strategy you use, It's gotta hurt a bit. Nagging and prompting and reminding doesn't "hurt" at all. One other thing to remember: Make sure as you interact with your son and with other friends and strangers that YOU set the example and model good manners as well. He will definitely notice, eventually. Role-modeling good verbal manners is probably the most effective tool, anyway.
Mike Smart, CLPC
"Parenting OutSmarted"
smartmike59@gmail.com
