QUESTION:
When my son (5) gets sent to his room for time out, he goes into his room and begins throwing demonic-style tantrums. He hits the door and screams at the top of his lungs. When he’s done, he comes out composed, calm, and collected. Is the Tantrum Room really a space where I should let him get it all out, or should I be expecting/teaching more emotional regulation?
ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:
It looks like the concept of the Tantrum Room IS working. Your son understands that there is a place and time to let out his emotions and frustrations--albeit quite vociferously; and that there is a time and place to be "composed, calm, and collected." Congratulations, Mom! He sounds like a good, little boy!
I would like you to try one more thing: Next time you employ the Tantrum Room for your son, let him go in there and go all-out "Tasmanian Devil", as per usual. When he comes out controlled emotionally, as per usual, ask him if he did any pounding and yelling while he was in there. He may say, "Didn't you hear me?!?" And you may respond with any number of responses such as "I was busy vacuuming" or " I was on the phone" or "I went outside to get the mail", "I didn't notice", etc., etc. The key is to pretend like you never notice his demonic pounding and screaming. Avoid phrases like, "Don't pound so loud" or "You're gonna break something." Your five-year old needs to believe that you are unaware that he is even in the TR; or you that you have forgotten he was in there. Learn the Art of Fake Ignoring--put on your Acting Shoes. All the World's a Stage and you are merely a mommy on it. Win an Emmy, for your son's sake! He needs to believe that his excessive behavior is going unnoticed---which should lead to less and less of the violent, excessive behavior. When Negative Attention-Getters(NAGs) garner no attention, the NAG tantrums will gradually disappear. But be thankful your son has his fits within the confines of his special tantrum place.
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