Question:
Our seven year old son wanted to sign up for soccer this season. He played soccer once a few years ago but hasn’t played organized sports in a few years. So far, he has yet to go to a practice or a game. When he arrives, he freaks out, stays in the car, cries, and even hides. I think he’s incredibly nervous for some reason, and we can’t seem to talk him out of it. He’s generally an outgoing kid though he tends to be a little nervous in new situations. When he’s not at a practice or game, he’s really excited and tells people he’s playing soccer. He seems to genuinely want to play until he is actually at a game or practice, and then he’s just overcome with fear. I think he will love playing once he actually gets out there and gets over the hump, and we want to encourage him without making it a battle. Do you have any thoughts about helping him feel brave enough to play? Thanks
Advice/Suggestions:
Organized sports definitely have their place in our society--from one who has been involved in them my whole life; although the younger the child, the less valuable the impact and value of organized sports. However, there is no question in my mind that the best success stories in sports AND in life begin with an uncomfortable breakthrough opportunity; that momentous time when it is much easier to quit, and must riskier to put oneself "out there." Choosing the risk, breaking through, and then following through can bring immeasurable satisfaction and self-confidence in a child. Kids will rarely risk feeling uncomfortable for the greater future good of which they cannot see. And typically--without parental encouragement---the child will choose the passive,safer, less rewarding route. Some considerations/options that may get Little Mister 7 to "go for it" at some point:
1. If he doesn't want to participate in the next practice---without any pleading on your part-- just have him sit with you in the bleachers and watch practice . You can bring a book to read and so can he--no electronics or screens. Don't allow him to go back to the car and sit. Once or twice during practice, merely suggest that he participate.
2. Maybe he's not old enough to quite handle this yet. Maybe try again next season. There is a wide variety of emotional maturity at that age. Organized sports at a young age isn't for everyone. Instead, have a "soccer day" playdate or two at home or at a nearby park with siblings and friends his age, where they must have some "backyard soccer" and then have snacks during "halftime."
3. In many cases, this is just a phase that he will soon outgrow.
4. Have someone else take him to practice. Sometimes, not having that "motherly security blanket" nearby will cause Junior to take a risk.
5. Have a brief conversation with the coach of the team. Get his ideas on how to get your son to participate. Many coaches can be creative motivators and can convince hesitant participants to involve themselves in the activity.
6. Tell him you're done carting him to practice and games if he chooses not to participate. Tell him that he can go to the practice/game AND fully participate--- or he can stay home; and that you will have a "fulfilling" activity for him in which to engage in place of soccer; maybe help mom with dinner or dust the house, etc.. If he says he will participate and wants to go to soccer--but changes his mind once you have gotten to the field, then there would need to be the implementation of a consequence/punishment.
Good luck!
Mike Smart, CLPC
"Parenting OutSmarted"
smartmike59@gmail.com
