Trim Teen Talk Time?

Photo Credit: Image by ArtWithTammy on Pixabay

QUESTION:
My son will be 16 In a month.  When he was younger, he and I (his mother) would have 'talk time' - when we would lie in bed before he went to sleep to talk, share, etc.  We stopped doing that a couple years ago.  A couple months ago, he went through this phase where it seemed he hated my guts - it seemed as if I was his worst enemy.  It was extremely hard for me; but I chalked that up to his growing up and trying to separate from me (I also did a lot of praying and adjusting in how I communicated with him, trying to treat him more like a young man, etc.).  Now, our relationship has taken a 180 (I honestly don't know what to attribute that to); and our relationship is very close, warm and trusting - actually, in some ways, better than ever; but he is also requesting 'talk time' again.  I don't want to say 'no' because I am only too glad that he's wanting to share and talk; but my husband feels it is inappropriate given my son's age.
What do you think I should do?

ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:
The following truisms need to be understood:
1.  Teenage boys typically yearn for more and more independence---and they should.
2.  There will be many phases throughout the teenage years, where the teen  will not see eye-to-eye with his parents and may even "hate their guts."
3.  Communication is rarely a bad thing.
        You need to be applauded for establishing the kind of relationship with your son that has allowed for "talk time" throughout his growing-up years. And the fact that he wants "talk time" again and your current relationship is "in some ways, better than ever", is something to relish and enjoy. Don't read too much into it , and enjoy the re-emergence of "talk time" while it lasts.
4.  However,you and your husband need to be on the same page regarding you and your son's relationship. Discuss with your husband why he thinks Talk Time is NOT a good thing. Make sure your husband is specific in his responses. Saying the boy is too old for that is not a good-enough response.  What are his concerns? Does he feel your son is not wanting to be independent and strongly emancipated? Is your son in some sort of a codependent relationship with you? Hear your husband out.
      But based on my limited knowledge of the situation, I see Talk Time with your 16-year old son as a strong positive in preparing him for the real world in a few short years.

Mike Smart CLPC "Parenting Outsmarted"
smartmike59@gmail.com
937-925-6136

Parenting Question: Left Out in the Cold

QUESTION:
Our son will be 3 in January and refuses to wear a jacket in the winter months.  At times, we have forced him and other times we have allowed him to wear a sweater/vest in the hopes that he would realize he needs a jacket!  In a situation like this, do you think it is better to allow them to see the consequences themselves or force them to do something?


ADVICE/SUGGESTION:
As the parent and authority figure in the house, do you think it is best for him to wear a jacket? If you do, then make him wear one. If you feel it is more important for him to learn the consequences of not wearing a winter jacket, then let him wear the sweater/vest.  Unless this is character/obedience training, maybe this is a molehill issue, not a mountain. Maybe it's best to let it go.
As a boy, I remember so well the times I had to wear a big "blumpy" coat. It seemed to restrict my ability to run and have fun and play outside. It just got in the way.
       Based on my limited knowledge of the situation-and if you feel it is a character/obedience issue-- I would say that he should wear the winter jacket. This is the best age for a child to learn that his job is to pay attention to his parents; it is not your job to pay attention to him. For his first two years of his life, he has been used to everyone doing his bidding. Age three is a perfect time to retrain that line of thinking. He has to learn to do YOUR bidding now. He needs to be retrained. And whenever he throws a fit about doing your bidding, apply a consequence that is fittingly memorable. When he does become "retrained", your relationship  will become fondly memorable.

Mike Smart, CLPC

smartmike59@gmail.com