Distress at the Dentist's and Choosing Church

 

QUESTION:

Question about The Godfather Principle:

We’re currently implementing the Godfather Principle because of a rather rough (that’s an understatement) dentist visit. We read your response to the question about temper tantrums at the doctor and dentist. Agree wholeheartedly. My question is what is considered a privilege… we are very active in our church and attend regularly. Our three young children go on Wednesdays, too - my husband and I lead a group, so they go to the children’s program. 

I want her to go to church, but I see Wednesday night as a privilege. Is it bad if we take that away? She is stripped of all privileges, but we’re having trouble deciding if Wednesday church is a privilege or a necessity (the inconvenience isn’t the issue - it’s going to be, but we’ll do what we need to in order to nip this in the bud). 

ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:

From your question, I can safely assume that you possess a strong penchant for instilling your religious faith and values into your children. And the biblical adages strongly emphasizing putting others' interests ahead of one's own can be a key theme here. Each time your child has a looming appointment upcoming, have her take the focus off herself and  ask her what can she do to make things easier for the dentist, doctor, grandma, etc., during a visit.... The idea of self-sacrifice on behalf of others' desires and needs is sorely lacking among today's youth. 

But to answer your question: I would not take away  a privilege that may hurt the growth of a child(mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, etc). I remember having this quandary when I was raising my four children several years ago. I had decided never to include anything in the "grounding" of a  misbehaving child that I felt was needed for the child to grow into a successful adult. If you feel that Wednesday night church is important for your daughter's spiritual growth, then I would NOT take that away. If your child loved vegetables, would you take those away as a punishment?? There are many other consequences that can be used as part of the Godfather Principle, without having to take away a necessary and valuable element in her life.