Overboard in the Offseason? Dad, Sports, and a 13-year Old

 

QUESTION:

Husband takes our 13 yr old to a sport practice 3x/wk, conditioning 1x/wk, and a trainer 1x/wk which leaves one night/wk for a non-sport activity and one weekend day open.  This sport is in its off season.  Son does not like the sport that much - he is not asking to go to all the practices.  Monthly cost is the same whether they go to one or 3 practices a week.  Conditioning/trainer is a different vendor.  Son tries to get out of a practice once in awhile.  Son might have a headache, is tired, is sore, etc.  Husband just thinks son is making excuses and does not cut him any slack.  Husband will say anything from "you want to get better don't you?" to "don't be quitter/Don't quit on yourself" or "we've already paid for it we might as well go"  Son would choose to do nothing if given the choice so I can appreciate him being involved in something but there needs to be some sort of happy medium and right now the scale in tilted in the wrong direction.   Is there any way to find a balance?

ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:

I may be one of  the most qualified coaches to answer this question. There are three hats one might need to wear in order to truly understand your situation: the hat of a Father of an Athlete(I have a daughter who is a high-level pro basketball player in Australia); a Parenting Coach(who explores parent/child relationships); and a Sports Coach(in my case, basketball coach for many years). I do feel qualified to help with your situation.  I have worn each of these hats for numerous years. Therefore, I DO appreciate a good father motivating his child to succeed, and in teaching said child discipline and hard work. I also believe in the value of extracurriculars in general: they teach the importance of bodily exercise, sacrificing for others, teamwork, etc.. 

So, If Dad feels his son may have a gift in a certain sport, I see nothing wrong with some encouragement and strong motivation as he tries to instill dedication in his son. If we left kids "to their own devices," most children would default to curling up on their bed with an iPhone in hand, and the like. 

My professional basketball daughter didn't really "get it" till she was about fifteen. But because I was a basketball coach, I was able to easily get  her involved in basketball activities that she thought might be fun, and would easily agree to.  So your son may also develop a true love and dedication for the sport when he is 14 or 15. He may not be there yet.  HOWEVER, the majority of fathers who are more singularly focused on a sport than are their participating sons, usually hurt their relationship with their teen and/or cause their teen to so dislike the sport and the atmosphere dad has created around it, that his child will eventually decide it's not worth it to continue. 

Recommendation: Let your 13 year old be a 13-year old. He is missing out on other valuable things in life. The weekly "necessities" (conditioning, training, practicing) mentioned above for a sport in the off season seem rather excessive. Doing a bit less in the off season will NOT hurt his chances of succeeding in the future. And eventually, he may "own" the sport himself, rather than just dad being the owner.