FOMO in ISO, and Bud-Nipping: Consequencing an 11-yr Old Bully

 

QUESTION:

    My 11 year-old son frequently hits, pushes, etc., his younger siblings, ages 6 and 5,  when no adult is around. It is very much intentional in trying to hurt the others. He will provoke his siblings with acting wild and then hurt them somehow. Obviously, talking hasn't helped. I know his older brother (13) sometimes bullies him, so is he bullying his younger siblings? We homeschool so there is plenty of opportunity for this to happen quite often, many times a day. He is a quiet child who prefers to be by himself, so I am not sure how effective isolation would be. 

ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:

The only real question you proffered within your above statements was "is he bullying his younger siblings?" I believe you were wanting to know if his older brother has influenced him to the point of his showing the same behavior toward his younger sibs. The answer: "more than likely, yes." If the bullying behavior was never nipped in the bud when the 13-year old exhibited that tendency, then naturally the youngers will tend to emulate some of their older brother's behaviors. As a sidenote; I am glad that you have come to the realization that talking does not help. Explaining yourself to an 11-year old is typically fruitless and may jumpstart needless argumentative interaction. 

Here are some thoughts on the idea of ISOLATION as an effective punishment:

1. We are created to be with people and to have relationships. Even the shy, loner child will eventually want and need legit company.

2. ISOLATION may not work in the immediate, but if the parent is patient, it will begin to be effective. Most kids develop a FOMO(fear of missing out) at some point, so they want to be where it's "happenin."

3. ISOLATION only works if there is little to no access to entertainment for the punishee, wherever he may be isolated. 

4. ISOLATION of the rule-breaker will benefit the rest of his siblings: no bullying or physicality or bad example from said offender.  

5. ISOLATION may take many forms, such as the following;

          a. You and the other kids go to Scene 75 or to a Bouncy House or a Trampoline Park or anything                 the 11-year old would enjoy--without him. 

          b.  Eat your meals as a family---he can eat in his room

          c.  Go to Taco Bell or Dairy Queen with the others--bring back the goodies and eat them in front                 of him

          d. The family watches the favorite TV show---while he remains isolated, away from the family.

          e. The upcoming birthday party of a friend? Sorry, buddy--you're in ISOLATION

The length of isolation is up to you, whether it be 3 days or 3 weeks or whatever. To a segment of readers, some of my ideas may sound harsh(see the end of 4C), but the goal of effective consequences is to prevent recurrence of the offense. To prevent that occurrence, MEMORABLE consequences are needed(Read Hebrews 12:11, Proverbs 19:18). This is what previous parents did during the "good ole days". They nipped it in the bud with a memorable punishment, and thereafter there was little to no  need for any consequences and punishments---all the while raising 6-8-10 kids to become respectful, responsible, productive, upstanding citizens of their community.