QUESTION:
We just started using the ticket system on our 6 year old son yesterday. Following is an example of this morning, which we're not quite sure how to handle. Our son is busy playing with his Lego and we are ready to have family devotions. We tell him to go sit on the couch, we are ready for devotions. He gets mad and doesn't want to. He gets a ticket taken away. Before devotions start mom realizes the baby has a dirty diaper that needs changing. Son goes back to play while mom is changing baby's diaper. Dad tells him as soon as mom comes back he must go right back to the couch. When mom comes back there's another fuss about going back to the couch. Does this mean another ticket gets taken away or is it all included with the first ticket? After devotions he is told to go to his room and get dressed and he makes faces at Dad and generally lets us know he doesn't want to. Another ticket goes. Then in the bedroom he gets very rebellious about getting dresses... throws things, etc. Is this another ticket or all with the original one? Is this is what you call micro managing discipline or how do we go about this?
SUGGESTIONS/ADVICE:
There will be a point as you raise your six-year old using the ticket system, where you will learn exactly when to "ticket" him, and when not to. Having started the system just yesterday, there is no way you can have a "feel" yet for the Ticket system. There all all kinds of scenarios that can occur that you won't always be able to anticipate. But first, TICKETS is not a magical strategy. There are no magical strategies. But with the PROPER PRESENTATION of authority, TICKETS CAN work Magic. Most all strategies will work if you are willing to be a true Leader to your son. And, of course, you must demand obedience, because research shows that the happiest children are the obedient children. Always be calm, poised, in control and nonchalant. Give him little attention when he resorts to attention-seeking behavior. Don't explain yourself or justify yourself to him. At this age, don't worry about micromanaging the situation.
While on occasion allowing some lenience for initial brief negative responses from your son to your requests may be justified, he is at the age where you need to "nip it in the bud"--the sooner the better. I believe the scenario you presented definitely warrants more than one ticket lost. It is very possible that he may lose all tickets in a short amount of time. But it time, he will learn that it is not worth it, but it may take a few weeks. It is imperative that your consequences are legit and memorable, with the goal of preventing the behavior from ever happening again(maybe two weeks of a Lego fast?). Remember: (Hebrews 12:11) "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
(Another useful tip: When a child is immersed in Lego--which is a fine toy, by the way--or some other creative, mind-occupying diversion, I usually give a 2-minute warning--thereby lessening the chance of an initial horrific, emotional, cataclysmic, ticket-shredding response.)
Mike Smart CLPC
smartmike59@gmail.com
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