When Your Teen Cancels God

Question:

Our 15 year old (High IQ) grandson recently informed his mother (our daughter) that he does not believe in God. This has devastated her and us.She is divorced from his father and they have 50/50 custody on a week by week basis. He reluctantly attends church services when with his mother but we don't think his father attends services anymore.

Any advice ?

Advice/Suggestions:

 As unsettling and mortifying as your grandson's revelation is, there are some silver linings to this black cloud. 

FIRST: his questioning followed by his rejection of God is hardly a unique thing. I daresay almost everyone has questioned and doubted God's existence at some point in his life. And a majority of those don't verbalize it. Be glad he did.  

SECOND: He's 15. Most of the distress I hear from parents regarding their child's spurning of his faith, occurs when the child is no longer a child. He has moved out, gone to college, flirted with the outside  world, etc--all of which contributed to his developing a new secular worldview. And sadly, these distressed parents have very little influence and daily contact with this child anymore. Conversely--what a soft spot to land your grandson has now, still living at home! So many more opportunities for discourse, influence, spiritual shaping, and love are to be had, 

THIRD: He's 15(ok, I guess I used that one already).  Although he is extremely intelligent, his brain is still immature, and won't be fully developed for another ten years! Especially until he matures and even beyond, his spiritual worldview will go through multifarious stages of fluidity. Trust me. 

So what should your daughter do?  1. Don't overreact and calamitize. Acting as if the sky is falling and indirectly warning him that he is hell-bound and such will NOT help. 2. Keep lines of communication open. What a great age to have deep discussions with her son! Initially and for some time, she will have to be patient and primarily be a listener. 3. Both you and your daughter should become knowledgeable about your faith and be able to defend it and prove it to your son if the occasion arises.  4.  There is nothing your daughter can do about the fifty percent of the time she does not have her son. She can only control the time she has custody of him. She should continue as per usual, attending church and bringing her son with her. 5. Pray incessantly for her son. The World's sway is too powerful not to. 6. Find him a godly male church mentor with whom her son can connect.

A resource that I recommend for your grandson(assuming your faith is biblical Christianity) is a paperback version called "The Case for Christ"-youth edition.

Keep me updated.

Mike Smart, CLPC

"Parenting OutSmarted"

smartmike59@gmail.com